benchI’ve been single parenting for the past ten days.  To say I’m a little burnt out would be an understatement.  My husband arrived home Wednesday evening after the kids had already gone to bed.  They were ecstatic when they woke up to discover that their dad was home.  I slept in a bit and then came downstairs to get Vijay ready for school, and upon seeing me coming downstairs, he said to me rather casually, “I wish you weren’t home, mama.”  My heart broke.

I know what he meant- in his 4 year old way he was trying to tell me that he wanted to be with his dad all day.  He wanted to be in “dad zone” where there are no rules, and meals don’t include vegetables, and the day is made up of “special treats.”  But after ten days of nothing but home cooking, snuggling under blankets to read books, epic cookie baking, trips to gymnastics, the library and the children’s museum, and countless hours playing trains in the playroom, I felt like I deserved more.  This is the hard thing about motherhood- it is often thankless.  Do I know that my kids adore me?  Yes, of course.  I have two very affectionate, sweet boys who are usually wonderful about showering me with love, but they are also toddlers, and they often don’t know how to properly voice their feelings and frustrations.  Many times, their frustrations get aimed at good ole’ mom.

I am hoping to reboot this weekend, perhaps visit the farmer’s market and take a Bikrim yoga class or two.  My husband has a babysitter lined up for tonight so I’m looking forward to date night.  I’m also finishing up my latest home project, which you can see taking shape above.  Since the boys are now sharing a room, I’m turning Vik’s old room into an office for my husband (mainly to get his damn computer off the kitchen table, which drives me crazy).  I was so pumped to find that beautiful, six-foot bench for sale on craigslist for $100.  What a steal!  The rest of the room came together with things we had laying around the house including pillows and rugs from our travels abroad.  I’m planning on sneaking in a few hours to watch Fixer Upper, my new obsession, and work on my latest knitting project.  As much as I love my boys, I need a break.  And perhaps they feel the same.  A weekend spent in the “dad zone” might just be the very thing we all need to reboot and refresh.  See you on the flip side!

Your thoughts on “Lately

  1. Being a mom can be so heart breaking. You give everything you have and sometimes it feels like it will never be enough. But yes, they do love you with all their hearts. No one can do ‘it’ like mom! Enjoy some ME time, Christine!

  2. There’s nothing like it! It’s the toughest gig there is but somehow it is also the most incredible. A tiny dose of encouragement from this mumma who’s a couple of years ahead… you will soon start to see glimpses of the space to come and with that, it becomes SO much easier. As for ‘dad zone’, Tuck was the same 🙂 I’m now starting to learn how to loosen the reins and allow for a little of that zone too. I keep reminding myself… “it’s all about balance”. I’m loving the sound of your weekend, enjoy! I’m also loving that bench… $100!!! YAY!!! xo

    1. Oh Xan…you were on my mind while writing this post. I hope you are channeling Tuck these days and allowing yourself to loosen the reins. Like, you know…chocolate for dinner every once in a while isn’t the worse thing in the world. Sending you love this weekend!

  3. The toughest, most heart-wrenching, incredible, mind-blowing, gee whiz, belly laughing, head scratching, smile making job there is. It requires amazing strength of character and courage to be a parent. So much is done in the name of parenting that is not valued or understood. The fact that someday it will make more sense doesn’t make it easier now. With moments like these you do exactly what you are doing. You feel the emotion. You take time for you. You recognize that it is truly an adventure, everyday. You surround yourself with others who understand.
    With such a span between my littles I am constantly dancing…mama to a teenager…mama to a four year old…and mama to two turkeys in the middle…no don’t hit your brother with that…because it will hurt him…no it’s not funny…
    All I can say is I’m learning to dance. I’m learning to let go more often( I used to hate when I heard someone say this, alas it’s so true…). I’m learning to take time to create instead of cleaning the house. I’m learning that it’s okay to not do everything, everyday, for everyone. I’m learning to not always put myself last on the list. You are an incredible mama Christine. Which is why you take those words on…I get it. Just remember when you take care of you then you are an even MORE incredible mama. 🙂 …if that’s even possible.
    Love you my friend.

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