Curveball

Life is funny, isn’t it? Just when you think you’ve got it all figured out, when things feel easy and light, BOOM…curveball. Our surprise came in the form of an unexpected pregnancy this summer, and seeing as it has been…oh, let’s say about half a year since my last blog post, that means we are quickly approaching the due date of our baby GIRL! In fact it could be any day now. When I found out I was pregnant I was shocked, and then when I found out it was a girl, I was doubly shocked. In all honesty, I felt incredibly overwhelmed. I’d packed up and given away all our baby items and we were officially in a different phase of parenthood, one that included full time school for both boys, Saturday soccer games, solo time as parents, regular date nights, and a fully potty trained family. I was working more hours and enjoying my job, which is at the boy’s school and allows me to be a big part of their daily school lives. I was mulling over a new book idea. When I found out in early July that I was pregnant I felt panicked. How would I possibly manage a third child on an already very full plate? Add to that the exhaustion and nausea that accompanies the first trimester, and I’ll admit to spending much of July crying on my mom’s lap. Slowly I have been working my way towards finding the joy in this surprise, but I’ve also allowed myself to feel all of my feelings around this pregnancy. I think as women we are so often told that we should feel absolute radiant joy around our pregnancy, and if that is not the case, we can be bullied into feeling like we’re somehow emotionally broken. But it is okay to admit to feeling overwhelmed. It is okay to admit that you’re scared the life and family you love is somehow going to change with another addition. And it is definitely okay to be exhausted by the amount of work each additional child brings to a mother. It is okay. I am a human being with complex emotions and this pregnancy has seen the range of those emotions on display. I was determined to find the beauty and joy in the 9 months of pregnancy, to realize some larger dreams, and mostly to spend time cherishing my boys. That didn’t leave much time for blogging, but I did manage a few pictures and I’d love to share those with you here.

Late August and September were gorgeous. I was feeling a bit better, though still quite exhausted most of the time. I spent hours in my garden, relishing my abundant harvest. The boys swam like little fish all day every day until the first day of school. They began their school year with such joy and confidence. Just look at those handsome faces. September was also busy with travel, including a fiber workshop at Saipua’s Worlds End Farm. It was a weekend filled with all of my favorite things, farms, flowers and fiber. I viewed it as a last hurrah before settling into a busy school year and pregnancy, but it turned out to be far from my last trip. I couldn’t have predicted the incredible travel opportunity that would come in the next few months! October was a gorgeous month and I carved out time to stoke my creativity with regular photo/ styling dates with my friend Linda. We’ve had so much fun pushing each other in the areas of photography, cooking and styling. Whenever we get together, magic is made. Of course, in the midst of all this, I was knitting like a mad woman, having finally fulfilled my dream of being able to knit for a baby GIRL. During my moments of feeling overwhelmed and hopeless, crafting for baby girl has brought me joy and peace. I’ll never take for granted the power of handmade, especially to soothe us when times are emotionally challenging. Once November rolled around, work became increasingly busy. When you work in admissions, the season begins in full force in November and doesn’t slow down again until March. But I still managed to fit in one more creative outing that included wreath making and homemade marshmallow decorating. Around this same time, just when I thought I’d be slowing down over Christmas break and relaxing with my family, I got an opportunity to work on a project I’ve been dreaming of for a decade now. I won’t pretend it happened out of the blue…it took months of work to lay the foundation, but when I finally got the green light, I found myself booking a trip to India while close to 7 months pregnant. My parents watched the boys over the holidays, and my husband and I took an 8-day whirlwind adventure through Jaipur and Udaipur. I simply cannot wait to tell you more about this project! I can’t share much, but here are two of my favorite pictures from the trip! Once January hit, I pretty much buried myself in work and haven’t had a chance to take a breath since. I’m actually really looking forward to my maternity leave (2 months off!) though I’m not naive to the fact that caring for an infant is exhausting. With the boys at school, I’m hoping baby girl and I will have some precious bonding time for those two months. I never quite experienced that with Vik because I was caring full-time for a toddler (Vijay) from the moment Vik was born. I remember those dreamy first weeks with Vijay though, and I look forward to carving out that time with our new addition. As always, thank you for being here and checking in. However infrequently I post these days, I still treasure this space and the conversations that have been had here. I’m not much for social media these days – real life seems to get in the way of an online presence! But you can find occasional updates over on Instagram, and I’m sure I’ll be first announcing baby girls arrival there!

Your thoughts on “Curveball

  1. My surprise baby girl turns 1 year old in a few weeks. Her older brothers are now 7 and 10, 6 and 9 when she was born. I can relate to the range of emotions you describe and it’s awesome you claim the right to feel them all. I did as well, even though it seemed to offend some. The roller coaster of feelings has continued this year after her birth. It has been an intense year. But it is true that love multiplied exponentially with each child. Seeing my boys love and care for their sister melts my heart. Blessings to you as you wait for her arrival, strength and peace to you as you birth. You got this mama

  2. Best wishes for a smooth delivery and a healthy good-sleeping baby! My youngest is 13 now, and I wish I could repeat a few of those newborn baby days.

  3. Thank you for this post. I’m expecting my fourth – a surprise pregnancy too – and I struggled with not being happy about it, because I often feel pushed to my limits as it is. I kind of knew it was okay to feel that way, but it is so much more helpful to read it from you.
    All the best for you and your family!

    1. I know that feeling of being pushed to my limits- I feel it every day! I think it is so much more helpful to be honest, rather than hide our true feelings behind a mask of joy. Pregnancy and parenting is so hard- there’s no way around it. Best of luck with your pregnancy!

  4. So, so happy for you and your family! A GIRL! I am not on any of the social platforms but have checked up on you via instagram b/c I missed hearing from you on the blog. So I’ve followed your news but haven’t been able to comment. Will you return to being a SAHM with lots of freelance projects or will you return to school in May?

    “Dear, sweet Mabel,” she said. “We never know what is going to happen, do we? Life is always throwing us this way and that. That’s where the adventure is. Not knowing where you’ll end up or how you’ll fare. It’s all a mystery, and when we say any different, we’re just lying to ourselves. Tell me, when have you felt most alive?”
    (excerpt from) The Snow Child by Eowyn Ivey

    Wishing you the very best and happy pushing!

    1. Cynthia, thank you for your sweet note and those amazing words from The Snow Child. I love that book! I’ll be returning to work in May after 2 months of maternity leave. I’m hoping to still have room for a few freelance projects here and there, but I’m trying not to put too much pressure on myself. I know we have an intense year ahead of us balancing three kids.

  5. Congratulations on your sweet baby. I remember you making a rabbit (Miss Maggie) and commenting on not having a little girl to give it to. I’m looking forward to hearing about your new projects. I just got Instagram (finally!), so I’m happy to see your beautiful pictures there.

    1. Thanks Nina! I definitely had a head start on the girl crafts! I’m very excited to finally have an eager recipient for all my pink quilts and little rabbits. Hopefully she’ll be more excited about handmades than her brothers. Fingers crossed!

  6. I’ve been checking your instagram account to see if there were any news of the new arrival. And while it might be – is – overwhelming, I’m sure your boys will be the best older brothers and, as you write, you can finally get to make clothes for a little girl. Looking forward to seeing that first photo.

  7. We wanted 3 children, and we had 3 children ages 9, 8 and nearly 6 when number four was born. That little baby is now 16 and has been a complete and utter joy to this family. Our older kids adored him from the start and I think the closeness they retained through their teen years, and even now, was a result of the one thing they agreed upon – their love for their little brother. Not one day felt like work with him, even though he never napped, he was happy all the time, and I think it was the life in the family – he did not want to miss out on anything. There was always some one to hold him and love him. We also met all our good friends through him. Older parents, in my experience, are more relaxed and less competitive and it makes a difference. I have enjoyed your blog for the past few years and never write comments on any blogs, but when I saw your anxiety I wanted to share how wonderful a ‘caboose’ baby can be. I wish you all the very best.

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